Seven things gay and lesbian people should stop telling bisexuals

Bisexuals are continuously exposed to insensitive, stupid questions from both straight and gay people.

For many non-bisexual people, the lines of such a sexual orientation are simply too blurred to be taken seriously.

Whatever implies a similar level of uncertainty – for others, not for bi+ people themselves – is often frowned upon and dismissed as temporary.

What hurts the most is that some of the most biphobic comments and questions come from those who should be on the side of bi people.

Bisexuals shouldn’t provide any explanations for being who they are, let alone to gay and lesbian friends who know the struggles of coming out too well to show no sympathy.

While bisexuals can count on many allies, certain gay and lesbian people seem to think of themselves as gatekeepers. Their sole job is to determine whether someone is ‘gay enough’ to be part of the community.

It all starts with a seemingly innocent question that then leads to another. And that’s when suddenly the conversation turns into the Voight-Kampff test from Blade Runner.

Here are seven things gay people should stop saying to bisexuals because, you know, enough is enough.

1. ‘So, *what* are you?’
An alien sent to Earth to let you know there are other sexual orientations apart from being straight or gay.

2. ‘You swing for both teams, huh?’
Aah, a sports metaphor. That’s a bad start.

There is no such thing as picking a team. Bisexuals don’t pick, rather they sometimes feel like that loser kid who’s never picked for the school team and ends up sitting on the bench for the whole year.

Certain bi people don’t feel either part of the gay community nor completely comfortable among straight people.

This can easily lead to isolation and depression. Bi men and women are, in fact, more likely to have poorer mental health and less likely to come out than gay men and lesbian women.

3. ‘Bisexuals are just greedy’

Whether bi’s get offended by it or laugh it off, this comment will always make them feel as if they were trying to steal partners from straight and gay friends on purpose.

They’re not. They’re honestly just trying to survive, like anyone else.

Don’t try to shame them for dating more than one gender. You’re better than this.

And, please, don’t tell bisexuals they’re ‘luckier’ because they are attracted to both genders.

Let’s flip the narrative here for a second. They are just twice as likely to meet undateable folks as monosexuals — I wouldn’t call that luck.

4. ‘Bi’s can’t be trusted’
The cliché of bisexuals being sexual machines who would do anything behind their partner’s back is a bit unrealistic.

Bisexuality is usually associated with promiscuity. As if being attracted to all genders necessarily means that bi folks pursue several people at the same time.

What’s worse, many believe bisexuals must have multiple partners without their significant other’s consent. Wrong.

Just like straight and gay people, some bisexuals are monogamous, while some are polyamorous. It’s really as simple as that.

Being poly requires a conversation with your partner, otherwise it’s just cheating. And that applies to monosexual people as well.

5. ‘In which phase are you?’
They sometimes date people of the same gender, sometimes people of the opposite gender, sometimes non-binary folks. There isn’t a pattern. Deal with it.

6. ‘Just come out as gay/lesbian already!’
Bisexuals do come out, thank you very much.

In fact, if you’re having this conversation, chances are they already came out and you’re failing to acknowledge that.

Urging them to come out as lesbian or gay as that was the only ‘true’ coming out is crass.

7. ‘I’d totally date you if you were fully gay/lesbian’
Hey, you need to inform bi people of the Kinsey scale score they need to have in order to qualify for a date.

On the other hand, this might be just a ‘nice’ way to reject someone. Why don’t you come up with something less biphobic if the prospect of being honest is so unbearable?

Stefania Sarrubba/GSN